Cold Revenge
by Darin's-Sis
Summary: The proverb says "Revenge is a dish best served cold." Alex is hurt and Bobby tries to help. My first FF. Be honest but be gentle.
1. Chapter 1 Decisions Tues 12:30 am

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**Disclaimer: I don't own these characters...If I did, Eames and Goren would need to get off work early today for Parent/Teacher conferences!**

**Timing:** After Purgatory but before Frame  
**Spoilers:** None

Decisions – Tuesday 12:30 am

_**POV: Alex Eames**_

The brightness of the room hurts my eyes. Its intensity reminds me of the pain. I don't want to be here.

All these people…can they hear my heart pounding? Are they watching me? Do they know?

Are THEY here? Did they follow me? I'll be damned if they can keep me from doing this.

"My name is Alexandra Eames and I am NYPD. My badge number is 3798. Here is my Captain's card. I need to see a doctor. I've been…attacked."

_**POV: Robert Goren**_

It's the middle of the night and my mind is wide awake, as usual.

Eames is still angry, not as angry as she was but still angry. We're doing okay, since I was reinstating but it's not quite the same. She holds back. Nothing I can specifically point to but there is something missing. Her looks, her comments are just a little off.

Eames is smart – smart enough not to carry this genius' water. So why can't this smart woman see that I did the right thing, took the only action available.

The facts are:

I HAD to get my job back. I need this job like I need air to breath. Without it, my mind has nowhere to focus. After 6 months of suspension, my brain felt like cluttered trash.

The Chief TOLD me not to tell anyone about the undercover assignment. He mentioned Eames by name. It is irrelevant that the Chief was motivated by the hope that I would be killed. Those were the rules that stood between me and my job. The Chief could have asked me to stand naked in the middle of Times' Square and I'd have done it.

Getting my job back had as much to do with being with her as it did with anything else. Sitting across from her, solving cases, is all I need.

I hurt her and for that I am sorry.


	2. Chapter 2 The Exam Tues 1:00 am

**The Exam – Tuesday, 1:00am**

_**POV: Alex Eames**_

"Alexandra Eames?" I nod.

"My name is Lois Schroeder. You've got some nasty cuts and bruises. Can you tell me what happen?"

When I don't say anything, she looks up from the chart.

"It's okay Alexandra. I'm only here to help."

I hate this lack of control, the embarrassment I feel. I want to scrub the stink of weakness off of me.

Lois starts prodding around my head. "Do you remember what happen to you? Did you lose consciousness?" I nod again.

After making some more notes in the chart, Lois tries to take my jacket off but I won't let her. Looking at the curtain walls, I whisper to her. "I need…a...kit…done."

Lois pats my arm and that simple act of kindness almost undoes me. Tears fill my eyes. "I know it doesn't seem like it right now Alexandra, but I promise you, life won't always be this full of pain."

She begins the process of removing and bagging each item of clothing, photographing each mark as it is revealed.

I continue to hold my torn jacket to my chest. "Does doctor confidentiality apply to nurses?"

"Honey, I promise to respect your privacy."

"You can't say anything…to anyone. No pictures."

"If you don't want something entered as evidence, it won't be."

I close my eyes and release my grip. As my jacket slips over my shoulders, I hear a little gasp from Lois. "Alexandra! Honey…that must hurt. I'll put something on it to ease the pain. But you must realize that this isn't something you are going to be able to hide for long."

I nod to let her know that I heard her but I can't think about that right now. I don't want to think about any of it. I just sink into the darkness again.


	3. Chapter 3 Calls Tues 3:30 am

**Calls – Tuesday, 3:30 am**

_**POV: Captain Ross**_

I head straight for the nurses' desk. "I'm Captain Ross. One of my detectives, Alexandra Eames, was admitted tonight. Where is she?"

"Yes Captain Ross. I am Melinda Smart; I am the one that called you. Ms Eames is being examined at the moment."

"Thank you Ms Scott. Umm. Are you the nurse that admitted Detective Eames?

"Yes."

"Did she say what happen to her?"

"Not really. She walked up to the desk, gave her name and badge number, handed me your card and said that she had been attacked. That is all."

"She didn't give any indication where the attack took place or any kind of description of the attackers?"

"No sir. She said exactly what I said – 'I've been attacked."

"Did anyone come in with her? Drive her here?"

"No sir. She seemed to be on her own."

"Did she ask you to notify anyone else?"

"No sir. She just gave me your card. Let me go back and see if you can see her. Wait here a moment."

What the hell is going on?

The nurse comes back. "Ms Eames is in the exam room waiting for the doctor. I am sure that she will appreciate a friendly face while she waits."

The nurse leads me down a row of curtains; coming to a stop in front of one. She sticks her head inside one of the rooms. "Ms Eames? Your Captain is here." Then she steps aside.

I step up to the door made by the open curtain. It's hard to take in what I see. Eames' face is a mess – a gaping cut on the side of her face, spots of dried blood on her chin, in her hair, down her neck. Bruises are already forming on her cheek and arms. Her eyes are the worst – vacant and empty. There is no telling how Goren would've taken seeing her like this.

"Detective…how are you?" She doesn't look; doesn't seem to even register that I am here. I look at the nurse standing at her side. She looks at Eames and then at me.

"I don't think Alexandra is up for company at the moment. She is waiting for the doctor. Why don't you wait back out front? I'll come get you when the doctor is finished."

"Okay. Eames, I'll be just outside. Nurse, can I speak to you for a moment?" She follows me out of the curtain maze and into the hallway.

"You understand that Detective Eames is a NYPD detective with Major Case. She is an important member of my team and I would appreciate her getting anything she needs."

"All my patients are important and receive everything they need to make a full recovery. I am sure that you didn't mean to imply otherwise."

"No…I didn't."

"After the doctor examines her, Alexandra will be moved to a treatment room. I'll come and get you when she is moved."

"We take attacks against a member of our family personally. Is there anything you can tell me…anything she has said to you that would help with our investigation?"

The nurse hesitates just a moment. "Alexandra hasn't said much since she was admitted. She did, however, asked that a rape kit be done. When it is complete, I will hand it to you personally."

Could this get any worse? Of course it can and will. I have to call Goren now.

_**POV: Robert Goren**_

My cell phone is going off. I look at the clock as I reach for it. It says 4:00 AM and caller id says it's the Captain. There must be a new case for us.

Rolling out of bed, I answer, "Goren."

"Detective, its Ross."

"Yes Captain?" It must be important for him to call this early. I wonder how Eames took the wake up call. She hates mornings.

"I'm at St James Hospital…with Eames."

Hospital… she's alive but she's hurt. "What happen?"

The Captain hesitates. "Eames was assaulted."

I am uncomfortable with the mental image of someone physically harming Alex. She is a small woman and it wouldn't take much for her to be seriously hurt. "Which floor?"

"She is still in the ER but they'll be moving her to a treatment room. I'll leave word with the ER desk to send you straight through."

"I'll be there in 20 minutes." Why didn't Eames call me?


	4. Chapter 4 Hospital Tues 5:00 am

**Hospital – Tuesday, 5:00 am**

_**POV: Robert Goren**_

Jogging down the hall, I glance at room numbers…213E the nurse said. I need to see her, hear what the doctor says. More than that, though, I need to see the evidence collected and make sure nothing is missed. I know others would criticize me for thinking about evidence, call me cold and callous. But Eames will understand and want me to do my best to catch this bastard.

I can't imagine how enraged she must be. My own anger is humming and screaming to be released.

I see the Captain at the end of the hallway and walk towards him. "Which room?"

"This one but the nurse is still in there." Ross puts a hand out to stop me. I slow down and nod that I heard him.

Pacing but keeping my eyes on the door, I release the questions flying around in my head. "Did you talk with her? What did she say happen? Could she give a description of her attacker? Where did the assault take place?"

"Goren." There's a tone that draws my attention. "I tried talking with her but she is… unresponsive."

"What?" If anyone can understand the desire to withdraw, it is me. But Alex charges head-first. And she knows how important it is to record the details while they are fresh.

"She hasn't said anything…to anyone?"

"She spoke to the desk nurse in Emergency." I open my notebook and make a note. If I write it down, maybe this will make sense.

"What exactly did she say to the nurse?"

"She walked into Emergency, identified herself as a police officer, gave her badge number, handed her my card and said that she had been attacked." Again, I feel hurt. Why call the Captain and not me?

"She didn't give any information about the assault? Did you talk with the nurse? Maybe Eames said something like 'I was assaulted on my way home' and the nurse just missed it. There has to be something, some information as to what happen."

"I spoke with the nurse. She didn't say anything else. Bobby, Eames gave us one clue." The fact that the Captain addressed me by my first name frightens me. "The nurse says Eames asked that a rape kit be done."

I can physically feel pain in my chest like someone sucker punched me. The room is spinning and I take a step back to catch myself. I look at the Captain and, for just a moment, my brain fails me. Alex – where was I when you needed me? What could I have done to save you from this?

Eames' silence is starting to make sense. She doesn't know how to deal with this. Her body will heal from the physical trauma. Her pride though … wow … that is a tricky thing with Alex. She has spent her entire career trying to be one of the guys in the squad. She will see this assault, this rape, as a brand that permanently separates her – marking her as a woman, a weak woman.

She is tough though. If for no other reason than she won't let her attacker win, she will overcome this.


	5. Chapter 5 The Nurse Tues 6:30 am

**Nurse Schroeder – Tuesday, 6:30 am**

_**POV: Lois Schroeder**_

Coming out of Alexandra's room, I am stopped by a big man. "How is Eames doing?"

"Who are you to Ms Eames? Are you family?"

"I'm her partner, Robert Goren?"

Partner – great. I've seen that macho - partner crap with my brother. That is NOT what Alexandra needs right now. I look at her Captain who tried to imply that Alexandra wouldn't get everything she needed without him asking. Arrogant cops!

"My brother is a cop over at the 67th so I understand about the code of partners and that blue wall stuff. But you understand this, Mr Goren, you are in a hospital, not the police station. You are her partner out there but I am Alexandra's partner in here."

"You are obviously very good at your job Ms Schroeder. You have a kind heart and I am really glad that … Alexandra … has you in her corner. And please, call me Bobby."

For a moment, I am taken back. This man seems to genuinely care about his partner, his friend. Just for a moment, I am jealous. What must it be like to have this kind-hearted man care for you?

Then I remember the wounded woman on the other side of the door and the jealously leaves "The exam is over." I give him a brief rundown on her condition. I almost told him about Alexandra's wound but I promised. She will share that information when she is ready.

"Emotionally…Bobby…she is in shock and has retreated which is how some women process this type of assault. As a police officer, I am sure that you have information and resources available on rape counseling and advocacy." I look for confirmation, and get a nod.

"The doctor wants to get the lab work back before he lets her leave. It should only be another hour or so."

"What do you think about me going in...you know… to see her?"

"Let's go in together."

_**POV: Robert Goren**_

Seeing the nurse come out of Alex's room and I head her off. "How is Eames doing?"

"Who are you to Ms Eames? Are you family?"

"I'm her partner, Robert Goren?"

The nurse gives me a smirk and looks at the Captain. "My brother is a cop over at the 67th so I understand about the code of partners and that blue wall stuff. But you understand this, Mr Goren, you are in a hospital, not the police station. You are her partner out there but I am Alexandra's partner in here."

I can't help but smile for the first time since I rolled out of bed. Noting her name tag, "You are obviously very good at your job Ms Schroeder. You have a kind heart and I am really glad that … Alexandra … has you in her corner. And please, call me Bobby."

For a moment, Lois just looks at me. I can feel her trying to read me, my motives. I resent that she stands between Eames and me but I appreciate that she is watching out for her.

"The exam is over. Alexandra has several bumps and bruises, a split lip, and swollen eye. She had a deep gash down the side of face which I have just stitched up. Physically, Alex will be pretty sore for the next few days. She has…bandages…that will have to be changed regularly. We've given her something to help her ease the pain and to help her relax."

"Emotionally…Bobby…Alexandra is in shock and has retreated which is how some women process this type of assault. As a police officer, I am sure that you understand the importance of follow-up in situations like this. The hospital has information and resources available on rape counseling and advocacy." Lois wants confirmation, so I nod.

"The doctor wants to get the lab work back before he lets her leave. It should only be another hour or so."

"What do you think about me going in...you know… to see her?"

Pushing open the door, Lois said, "Let's go in together."


	6. Chapter 6 Her Room Tues 7:00 am

**Her Room – Tuesday, 7:00 am**

_**POV: Alex Eames**_

If I just remain silent, nothing I say can or will be used against me in a court of law…or in the squad room.

Hopefully that's doctor and I can get the hell out of here.

Nope…not the doctor. I don't even have to look to know, it's Bobby. The Captain must have called him. Damn. I really wanted to be out of here before this.

I look over and meet his eyes. There is his smile – same irresistible smile he gave me on our first day. This one is touched with worry. He wants to understand but there is no understanding this, Bobby.

God I hate the tears that want to come. Crying is such a stupid girl thing to do. I look down at my hands. I don't want him reading me, getting into my head like he does.

"Eames." Go away Bobby. Don't ask me. You don't want to know - I don't want to know.

"Eames, I'm glad you are okay." I am so far from okay I could laugh.

It is funny…weird …but I feel better with him here. Breathing seems easier.

"I'm just going sit…here. Is it okay if I just sit with you for a while?"

As much as I don't want him sitting next to me that is how much I need him sitting next to me. I nod at him.

_**POV: Robert Goren**_

My eyes immediately go to Alex. Her bed is positioned so she is sitting up more than lying down. She is curled onto her right side, staring out the window. Seeing her, I smile a genuine smile. She will be okay. Eames…Alex…will be okay. She has bruises and bandages but she is alive and her body is whole.

Her eyes move to me. I see desperation, fear and hiding. She looks away first. She is chewing the inside of her cheeks. I've seen her do this before when she is trying to hold back tears. She hates crying. She is looking down, watching her hands and letting her hair hide her face.

Walking to the edge of her bed, I say her name.

She actually leans away from me and that hurts. For seven years, I've protected her as much as I could, as much as she would let me. Well…until last night, of course.

I struggle for something to say…something that might help. What do I know about rape victims? Don't get in her space - I take a step back. Don't overwhelm her - I walk over to a chair and sit down, slumping forward to make myself appear smaller. Talk softly so you don't startle her - "Eames, I'm glad you are okay." Talk slowly so she can process what you are saying - "I'm just going sit…here." She needs to regain some measure of control – "Is it okay…if I just sit with you…for a while?"

Alex doesn't say anything but eventually she glances at me. She gives me the briefest of nods before she turns to stare out the window. Thank God. I honestly don't think I could leave.

I look at Nurse Lois who smiles encouragingly and gives me a nod of approval as she slips out the door. The Captain, who hasn't said a word, slips out behind her.


	7. Chapter 7 His Exam Tues 8:00 am

**His Examination – Tuesday, 8:00 am**

_**POV: Robert Goren**_

I sit in the chair observing Alex. With my notebook across my lap, I start making notes. Violence always has a purpose if only to the one creating it.

6:35 AM

breaths per minute. A bit too fast. She is agitated.

Anxiety and fear fill the room.

Chewing cheek – recognized habit - trying to hold it together.

Staring out a window, looking at ?? Clouds, birds

Leaning away from me at obvious angle.

I start a thorough inspection of Alex from my chair.

-A large bruise on her right cheek. Attacked from right side.

-Force of the punch knocked her down to the left.

-Gash in front of left ear – 5-6 stitches

-Split lip – mouthing off so hit her??

-Multiple scratches and cuts on the left side of the face.

Mentally I watch as a body is struck on the right cheek, falling onto its left side from the force. If the force was strong enough to knock the body down, the head would hit hard, possibly causing loss of consciousness. The body would probably roll onto its back as it went slack. My mental image body looks up at me with Alex's face and I gasp in surprise. I look up to find Alex watching me. She turns back to the window.

20 breaths per minute. She is calmer and appears to be fighting off the medication.

Second, I note wounds to the rest of her body.

-Bruising to her wrists obviously from restraints

-Two sets of bruises to her upper arms. One set appears to be from a smaller hand than the other.

-Thick bandages on chest – unable to identify wound underneath

-Winces when shifting position – bruises/trauma to hip or back

Next I close my eyes and smell. At first it is hard to get past the hospital smells of disinfectants and disease but then I catch it, Alex's smell. God how I love that smell, her smell. They could blindfold me in a room with a hundred people and I could find her. How many times have I pretending to be engrossed in a report when really I was just breathing in Alex. I know it's a good day when she uses that grapefruit shampoo I love.

There are other odors … perspiration from pain and fear. I can smell her fear. I am used to its odor on suspects, not on Eames.

Still one more odor...Eames was burned. The thick bandage on her chest – Alex – what happen to you?

45 breaths per minute. This time I was counting my own!


	8. Chapter 8 In the Hall Tues 8:30 am

**In The Hall – Tuesday, 8:30 am**

_**POV: Captain Ross**_

About 30 minutes after stepping out of Eames' room, I look in. I'm holding Eames' evidence kit in my hand.

As far as I can tell, neither of my detectives has moved. Eames is staring out the window but she seems calmer, less agitated. She is relaxed enough that she is fighting the medication to stay awake. Goren is watching her and making notes in his notebook. The anxiety in the room is much lower than it was.

I've watched this mismatched pair of detectives work together on cases. They communicate and connect at a level most don't understand.

I thought the Chief of D's might have screwed it up by asking Goren to keep his undercover assignment a secret from Eames. I think that was one of his motives – isolate Goren from Eames. Judging from what is happening in this room, the Chief still can't do anything right.

I smile until I remember what I am holding. I'll take this to Rogers personally.

_**POV: Robert Goren**_

The doctor arrives, asking me to step out so he can talk with Eames.

As soon as the door is closed, I get down to business with the Captain. "There should be definite blood pools at the attack sight. Two of the head wounds would have bled a lot. Has anyone checked out her car?"

"Yes. I asked CSU to take it back to the lab. Eames will need a ride home."

I nod but I keep pacing. "Eames was burned. Have them look for something used to burn her...a lighter? There was more than one attacker. I noticed that there are at least two different sized finger bruises on her arms. Eames is a fighter and even with two of them, she wouldn't have made it easy for them. Do you know if she was drugged or lost consciousness?"

I stop pacing when I notice what he is holding. "Is that the evidence kit?"

"Yes. I'm taking it to the lab now. I'll let you know when the results are back. I assume that you will be staying with Eames tonight."

"Yes." I haven't asked Eames but there is no way I'm leaving her alone.

"Let me know if you need anything – either of you."

"Yes Captain."


	9. Chapter 9 Her Driveway Tues 11:00 am

**Her Driveway – Tuesday, 11:00 am**

_**POV: Robert Goren**_

I've never been good at small talk. Eames is the one that keeps our conversations going and I don't know how to do it without her. Silence fills the car and makes the ride to her house awkward.

In the silence, I hear her breathing become agitated the closer we get to her house. Faster and faster until she is taking rapid, shallow breathes.

As I swing the car into her driveway, Eames reaches out and grabs my arm. I was concentrating so hard on her breathing that she startles me and I slam on the brakes.

I look over at her. She is staring at the hedge along the side of her driveway. I don't think she realizes that she is gripping my arm.

"Your duffle bag is still at my house. Why don't we go there for the night?"

Eames takes a deep breath, looks at me, looks down at her hand on my arm and releases her grip. She nods her head.


	10. Chapter 10 Evidence Tues 5:00 pm

**Evidence – Tuesday, 5:00 pm**

_**POV: Robert Goren**_

The Captain stops by with a folder in his hand. "I have the initial evidence report from Eames' exam. Rogers rushed it through for her. DNA has been loaded into the system and is being run for a match."

"Thank you.

"There was no evidence that anyone besides Eames was in her car. I'll have someone drop it at her house tomorrow morning.

"I believe the attack happened at Eames' house...in or around the driveway. Can you have CSU check it out?

"I'll send them over to check it out when the car is returned. How are things going here?"

I start pacing. "You know things have been strained between us since my undercover assignment. "

"I'm sure this is…uncomfortable for both of you."

"She won't talk to me."

"What I saw at the hospital is that she calmed down when you sat with her. Until Eames communicates otherwise, you **are** the right person for this assignment. I've put you and Eames down for a week of personal time. Anything you need…either of you…call me."

"Thanks Captain."

After he left, I checked on Eames again. The medication has helped her fall asleep but she is moving restlessly. I think of those broken houses after a hurricane – destroyed, boards scattered across a field in no order or reason, just carnage as far as the eye can see.

It is strange, though, seeing her in my king sized bed. I'll admit that I've imagined her there but never under these circumstances. Never!

Sitting down at the kitchen table, I lay the folder in front of me. I open it and the first thing my eyes fall on is a photo of the side of Eames' head. The photo clearly shows a knife wound beside her ear. The next photo is a deep, hand-shaped bruise on her thigh. Each photo I look at increases my rage until I can't breathe. I am drowning in it. I want to smash something, someone. Maybe I have a little of my father in me after all…whether he is the abusive drug-abuser or the sadist serial killer.

At the end of the file, I take a deep breath. I turn it over and start it again – this time I see with my brain and not my heart. What do I see? What do I think?

-This doesn't appear to be a random act. It is thought out, has an organized feel.

-Only one set of DNA – one rapist. Yet obvious arm bruising from more than one person.

-Other than the act of the rape, there is no anger.

-It feels like Eames was targeted but why?

-No photos or notes about burns.

-No photos or notes about chest wound??


	11. Chapter 11 Nightmares Tues 10:00 pm

**Nightmares – Tuesday, 10:00 pm**

_**POV: Alex Eames**_

A baby's cry.

Concern.

Pain to my face.

Pain in my hip.

Pain in my shoulder.

Pain in my head.

Blackness.

Confusion.

Frustration.

Restraint.

FEAR!

PANIC!

Think….think….

No!

Son of a bitch!

Humiliation - revulsion.

Shame.

Revenge.

Clarity.

Anger.

PAIN!! OH MY GOD – PAIN!

Screaming…screaming….screaming.

Run – escape – get away.

GUN! Grab it.

Power – control - metal

Restrain – metal

Frustration

Screams…more screams

Deep satisfaction

REVENGE – sweet, sweet revenge

Giving pain

Giving humiliation

Giving justice

Shattering glass…..Bobby?

_**POV: Robert Goren**_

I hear screams coming from the bedroom. Someone got in? Grabbing my gun from the table, I run to Eames. With gun raised, I push open the door with my foot and fan the room from left to right. My eyes search both bedroom windows –closed and intact.

I flip on the light and again fan my gun across the room. Eames - alone. Breathing deeply to flush the adrenaline from my veins, I examine her. She is sitting up but I don't think she is awake. She is reliving her nightmare.

Setting the gun down on the dresser, I walk to the bed to wake her. How I wish that I could protect her from these memories. Looking at her, seeing her so small and hurt, I am filled with rage at her attackers.

As soon as my hand touches her arm, I realize my mistake. PTS-post traumatic syndrome - between the pain medication and keeping everything bottled inside, Alex has slipped deep into her memory.

Eames swings at me or rather at her attackers. Catching me unprepared, she hits me on the side of the face, throwing me off balance. I scramble to catch myself while Alex crawls over the bed and heads for the door.

I see her in slow motion reaching for the gun. Even though I am on the opposite side of the room, I put my hand out in a futile attempt to stop her.

Alex swings around to face me, assumes a firing position and takes aim at center-mass – my center-mass. I freeze. I know I flipped off the safety when I ran to the bedroom but I can't remember if I flipped it back on when I set the gun down.

On a bad day, Eames' shooting scores are still better than anyone in the department. I have absolutely no doubt that if she shoots, I will be dead before I hit the floor. I want to live. I also know that Alex wouldn't forgive herself if she shoots me. For both our sakes, I have to get control of this situation.

Slowly, I raise my hands and sit down on the edge of the bed. Her eyes are unfocused; her breathing unsteady. Softly I say, "Eames. You have to give me the gun." I see nothing to tell me that she even heard me.

Eames walks to her purse and pulls out her handcuffs, then she tosses them to me. She is rewriting history. How many times that night did she wish she could get to her gun…did she want to slap handcuff on them?

Eames motions for me to handcuff myself to the headboard. I know I won't do it. Even before Tates, I had a phobia of being restrained. Right now, though, my main concern is that I need to regain control. I can't do that handcuffed to the bed.

With my hands still in front of me I say, "Eames. I understand what you want but I can't do it. You need me. You gotta give me the gun."

I need to get over to her. Reaching out towards her, I say "Give me the gun Eames. Please…just give it to me." As I move my weight to my feet to stand, she screams.

It is a scream unlike anything I have heard before, full of anguish and desperation and I know the decision has been made for me. She is gripping the gun so tight her knuckles are white.

Swinging my feet up onto the bed, I slowly scoot up to the headboard. As she watches, I click the first cuff onto my right wrist. Making sure that she can see me, I move my hands to the headboard. I pass the cuff around the back of the headboard rail and click it onto my left hand.

Once it is done, I look at Eames. Her eyes still aren't seeing me and her lips carry a scary smile. Setting down the gun on the nightstand, she moves towards me. At the edge of the bed, Eames slams her fist into my chest, pushing me into the headboard and I lose my breath.

Next, she grabs my t-shirt and begins tearing in all directions, ripping it from me. Once it is laid open, Eames attacks my chest with fingers and nails.

I recognize that she doesn't know what she is doing. Not really. It's like when Mom would have a psychotic break and beat me. Eames is lost in the memory of her attack like Mom would get lost in her version of reality. It was pointless to try to reason with Mom, and pointless to try to reason with Eames now.

The funny thing is that I'm actually more uncomfortable with Eames seeing my bare chest than I am with any bodily injury she is causing. Her scratching hurts but I can endure it. I have no other comfort to give her.

Not making any attempt to stop Eames, I tilt my head to the side so I can see her face. I try to imagine the pain and frustration she must have gone through. It is logical that she would have thoughts of revenge against her attacker.

Eames suddenly reaches for the button on my jeans. My heart screams "no" but my mind says "of course." God knows what form her revenge took.

But if I'm embarrassed for her to see my bare chest, how will we get past her seeing that? We can't…we wouldn't…that would be it. I move as far away from her as the handcuffs allow. "Eames! Stop! Stop!"

Even while I am trying to stop her, a part of my brain recognizes this situation from my night dreams….me laying in my bed and her unbuttoning my pants. I can feel myself getting harder. "Eames! Alex! You've got to stop. Don't do this. Please…please…stop!"

She isn't listening, she isn't hearing me. She is unzipping my jeans. Oh God. I have got to stop her before she embarrasses me, her…us. I grab a hold of the headboard and slam it hard against the wall. The force knocks pictures off the wall which cause one of the lamps to fall and shatter.

Alex freezes. She looks at the lamp and then at me - seeing me for the first time. She looks down at her hands holding my open fly and let's go. I see her confusion, her embarrassment. She looks broken. I watch her sink to the floor and hear her cry. Her tears cause me pain and I don't know how to help her. Even if I knew what to do or say, I couldn't help her…not like this…cuffed to my bed with my pants open.


	12. Chapter 12 The Gun Tues 11:00 pm

**The Gun – Tuesday, 11:00 pm**

_**POV: Alex Eames**_

It seemed so real…they were here…but this time I had a gun. This time I was the one giving the pain instead of taking it.

One minute they are here and the next it's…Bobby. What is happening to me? I've lost control of myself…of my mind. I am crying for God's sake.

I hate this person. I am so powerless, so weak and so needy. I despise this woman who cowers, who whimpers, who lets her emotions take control. I HATE her.

Where the hell am I? This isn't my room. A gun...I didn't imagine it because it's sitting right there.

A gun. What relief that would be – just sink into the blackness. I wouldn't have to think, wouldn't have to deal with this. I wouldn't have to face the guys at work; I wouldn't have to face Bobby. I could just go away for a while and then come back when I am strong again.

It could be so simple, so peaceful, so quiet. No more woman that I hate. No more weakness. I would be in control again, I would have the power.

"Please. I…I…need you Alex."

_**POV: Robert Goren**_

I know the exact moment she sees the gun. This time, it is different. Terror greater than anything I felt in Tate's hits me. A fine sheen of sweat breaks out all over my body.

What scares me is the way she is staring at it. She has become very still, staring at the gun …thinking …wanting the insanity to end. "Eames? Eames…don't do that. Look at me, not the gun."

God knows I understand. I've been there. But Alex? So many would miss her, so many need her. I need her.

"Eames…please. I…I…need you Alex." She turns towards me. I've got her attention.

"Alex…I…I have blood on my chest. See? Can you check these scratches?"

That's it… move this way…away from the gun. Eames grabs a tissue and dabs at the blood. It gives me a minute to think, to calm down.

I look at her and try to make eye contact. Removing all the emotion from my face, I ask an innocent question. "Alex, do you have the keys to these cuffs?" Just an innocent question….right?

Eames looks up puzzled until she notices my wrists hanging from the bedrail. Walking to her purse, she gets her key. Moving back to the bed, she unlocks one cuff and then the other. I want to make a grab for the gun or her but I lay still as Eames resumes dabbing at the blood.

"I was wondering…would you… warm water on a washcloth?"

Eames nods agreement and heads out of the bedroom. I lay very still on the bed, listening – Eames walking to the bathroom, Eames turning on the water.

As soon as I hear the water turn on, I jump off the bed and grab the gun. Seeing that the safety was off, my shaky finger flips it on. I brush away the memory of her staring at it.


	13. Chapter 13 The Bathroom Tues 11:30 pm

**In The Bathroom – Tuesday, 11:30 pm**

_**POV: Alex Eames**_

Standing at the sink, waiting for the water to get warm, I see myself in the mirror. Who are you? WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!?

Oh my God…oh my God…oh my God!

I pointed a gun at Bobby…AGAIN! I can't blame this one on him. I could have shot him. How would I have lived with that?

And my God! I was undoing his jeans. What if I had… How would I ever face him again? How can I anyway? He must think I'm crazy. He KNOWS I'm crazy.

Who are you Alexandra Eames?

I was thinking….I considered…the gun. It is the act of a coward and I was thinking about it. How could I even think that?

How did I get here? More importantly, how do I get back to normal? Can I ever be normal again? Is this who I am now? Could I, would I want to continue living if this is me?

_**POV: Robert Goren**_

I listen at the door for a moment but only hear running water. Listening to the water, I run to the kitchen to clean the blood and put on a new t-shirt.

The water is still running 10 minutes later and I'm getting a bad feeling. I flash back to the look Eames gave the gun and fear walks me back to the bathroom door.

With my ear to the door, I weigh my options. I can barge in but that could make things worse. Standing in the hallway like an idiot while she hurts herself is NOT an option either.

"Eames? Are you okay? You've been in there a long time." Silence. What was I expecting?

"Eames, please turn off the water so I know that you are…that you hear me."

The water is still running. "It's okay Eames. If you want, I can come in and turn it off for you?"

"Eames?"

"Okay. I'm coming in."

The water turns off.

I am so relieved that I slide down the wall until I am sitting on the floor. I sit for a minute to catch my breath, reel my mind back from dark places.

"Eames. You are going to have to talk to me sooner or later."

"I know we haven't really been…well that things have been strained between us lately. I know that's mostly my fault…but I want to support you like you've supported me. You know…like you supported me when Mom died…and with Frank and Donny…with Tate and the suspension. I'm just not sure what to do. Eames?"

Trying to keep my frustration out of my voice, I say, "You've got me at a disadvantage. You know me…how I work – not that I'm working now. I mean…I guess…how my mind works. I listen to people's words, I watch their body language. You aren't giving me much here to read."

Remembering the time she threatened my life if I ever tried to profile her, I say, "I guess that's your plan…right? You don't want me reading you. Right? Eames?"

Shaking my head, I realize how I must sound. "Look. I'm probably not saying this right but…damn it…I need to know that you are okay…that you aren't…haven't…done anything…to yourself. I'm scared, Alex, and I need to know that you are okay. Can you just tell me that you are okay?"

"Alex? Please."

I hear the knob turn and watch the door open from my seat on the floor. Eames is sitting on the bathroom floor. She looks at me and I can see that she has been crying. She raises her hand and flips me off!


	14. Chapter 14 On The Floor Wed 12:00 am

**Sitting on the Floor – Wednesday, 12:00 am**

_**POV: Alex Eames**_

Bobby just doesn't know when to stop pushing. He is relentless.

I've watched him do this dance from the chair next to him. I've just never on this side of the table. It is exhausting.

Again, the tears come. Did I cry this much when Joe died? I must have.

I am suddenly so tired that my legs don't hold me up anymore and I slide down the wall to the floor.

I just want silence, peace, and normalcy? Is that too much to ask?

"I need to know that you are okay…that you aren't…haven't…done anything…to yourself. " Bobby just keeps pushing for answers I don't have.

I'd like to know if I okay too. Will I ever be okay? I want to be.

"Alex? Please." Will he ever just shut up!

I open the door and flip him off.

_**POV: Robert Goren**_

I'm not sure what I was expecting but being flipped off wasn't on the list. Then I realize that it is 100 Alex and that she is going to be okay. I can't stop the broad smile or chuckle.

Eames frowns that I can think this is funny. I don't know why but she starts to laugh too.

The laughing feels good. It relieves some of our stress and allowed us to sit quietly for a while.

"Bobby?" Her voice is music to my ears.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry." There is a little catch in her voice as she reaches out and touches the bruise on my cheek from where she hit me. She pulls her hand back.

"You have nothing…"

"Listen. I got…lost. I knew what I was doing but I didn't know who I was doing it to."

"It's okay. It was…"

She gives me her best glare and I have to smile. I raise my hands in surrender but I'm smiling because I'm happy.

"You have been great Bobby. I don't know what I would have done without your support. You of all people don't deserve me lashing out."

"Apology accepted. You are doing…better…talking."

"Yeah. Well, better isn't feeling so great at the moment."

"I know that feeling."

"I know you do."

We just sit quietly for a while on the floor. She rests her head on her knees and I just enjoy looking at her. The swelling in her eye and lip have gone down a little and her stitches seem to have started healing. I think her bruises have hit their peak and will now start the process of yellowing and fading.

Honestly, I don't believe she has ever looked as beautiful to me as she does sitting there on my bathroom floor.

"Eames?"

She comes back to me from somewhere inside herself.

"I felt so powerless. He had all the control Bobby."

"I can't imagine how terrifying that must have felt for you."

She has turned her head to look at me. I see raw pain in her eyes. I want to look away but I don't because I'm afraid I might lose her again.

"Has the lab processed the…evidence yet?"

"Yes."

"Can I see the report?"

She knows this isn't a good idea. It will only upset her. "Crime photos are tough, Eames. You know that."

"Yeah I know that. I still want to see them."

I recognize the determination in her eyes. I get up and put out my hand to help her up. "Let's go sit on the couch." She doesn't move, just looks up at me. "I'll get the report once you are on the couch."

She reaches out, takes my hand and lets me pull her up. I notice again the bruises around her wrist.

She sits at one end of the couch and I sit on the other. I reach over the end and pick up the file. I hand it to her but I don't let go. She looks at me and I tilt my head in question. She gives me her answer by pulling on it even harder. I let go.

She sets the folder in her lap and slowly opens the cover. She sees the same photo that I saw first– the photo of the knife wound to the side of her head.

I watch her turn the photos over one-by-one. I don't miss the shake in her hands or the catches in her breathing. I am a smart guy. Why can't I figure out how to fix this for her? I want to be the one to help her but I just feel so impotent.

When she is done, she closes the folder and hands it back to me. She doesn't look me in the eye.

"You okay…I mean…relatively speaking?"

"Relatively speaking…yeah…I'm okay."

"You were…grabbed…in your driveway?

Eames pulls her knees up to her chest and rests her chin on them. "Yeah."

"Where did the uhm…assault…take place?"

"A van I think."

"Can you give me a description of the attackers?"

"Male." Eames is being evasive.

"Caucasian, Hispanic, African-American, height, weight, any markings or piercings?"

"I didn't see them." She says this with her head down against her knees and I have to listen closely so I don't miss anything.

"I noticed that…well…there aren't any photos…or notes…of the injury to your chest."

Her hand goes up to lay flat over the bandage. Eames turns silent, staring straight ahead, lost in a memory.

"Eames?"

She gets up and heads for her bedroom. "I'm tired Bobby. I'll see you in the morning."

"You have an appointment at 10 at the hospital with a counselor."

She nods that she heard me and heads down the hall. I hear my bedroom door close.


	15. Chapter 15 Trying to Sleep Wed 2:00 am

**Trying to Sleep – Wednesday, 2:00 am**

_**POV: Alex Eames**_

This is ridiculous. I can't sleep. I hate the way the pain pills make me feel – like the world is fuzzy or I'm fuzzy.

Every time I close my eyes in this fuzzy world, I see the pictures. Then I start remembering. Sights, sounds, smells all race towards me.

I hear noises outside the window…under the bed…in the closet for Christ's sake. What am I – three years old?

I hate these feelings of terror. I want to feel safe. I need Bobby.

_**POV: Robert Goren**_

It's late and I am exhausted. I've switched from jeans to sweatpants and am stretched out across my sofa. This morning's 5 am wake-up call seems like a lifetime ago.

I hear the bedroom door open and my whole body goes on alert. I can see her from the light coming through the front window. She stands next to the sofa, looking down at me. Should I say something? What would I say? "Eames?"

She drops a pillow to the floor and follows it down next to the couch.

I realize she intends to sleep on the floor next to the couch. "Eames, I'll sleep on the floor. You…."

"No! Stay there Bobby. Please. I don't have the strength to fight with you. Please, just sleep on the couch."

I know I won't sleep worrying about her, but if this is what she wants…

Her hand comes up and touches my arm. It slides down my arm until she finds my hand. Eames, Alex, laces her fingers through mine and brings our hands down to her pillow. She lifts her head and tucks our hands under her head so that her face rests against the back of my hand.

Eames lets out a sigh and seems to relax. I find that I do the same.


	16. Chapter 16 Gathering Info Wed 10:00 am

**Gathering Information – Wednesday, 10:00 am**

_**POV: Robert Goren**_

I dropped Eames off at the counselor's office with the promise I'd be there when she gets out in 2 hours. I told her to call my cell if she needs me sooner.

First, I check in with the Captain. He tells me that some cigarette butts where found near Eames' hedge and that the lab is working to match the DNA on them and from the rape kit. He also tells me that he has assigned Eames' case to Logan and Wheeler. They are canvassing her neighborhood for any unidentified vans.

Next, I head for the admitting desk. Flashing my badge to overcome any hospital policy, I asked, "Can you tell me if Lois Schroeder is working today?"

"Yes. She is down in Emergency. Do you want her paged?"

"Yes. Thank you."

I pace in front of the elevators until she finally she steps off about 15 minutes later. "Lois, I'm sorry to bother you. Do you have a moment?"

"Sure. How is Alexandra?"

"You were right, she was pretty sore last night. I doubt she had more than an hour or two of restful sleep. She is with a counselor now."

"Good, very good."

"I wanted to thank you from both Eames…Alexandra…and me for the way you helped her yesterday."

"There is no need for thanks. I was just doing my job."

"You really are good at your job Lois. You help people through traumatic experiences with kindness and efficiency."

"Thank you."

"The burn on her chest looks pretty red and I know it still bothers her a lot. Should I be worried?"

"No, that's pretty normal for a third degree burn like that. Is she using the antibiotic salve? It will speed the healing."

"Absolutely! She's been putting ice packs on it too.

"Good. That will help with the pain."

"This wasn't the first time that you've been asked by an assault victim not to photograph a wound."

"No, most rape victims are feeling humiliation and it is hard for them to have their injuries documented. I try to be sensitive to their embarrassment."

Nodding in understanding, I take out my note book and start making notes. "But this is was the first time you ever went along. Weren't you concerned that evidence would be lost?"

"My first instinct is to follow protocol and log all evidence. But like I told Alexandra, that burn isn't something she will be able to hide for long. Unfortunately, she will be dealing with it for some time."

"Do you have any ideas as to what her attacker used to burn her?"

"You know, I've been thinking about that. It looks almost like the burn was stamped on to her. The burn is so intricate and appears to be at an even depth. "

"Intricate…how would you describe the pattern?"

Lois looks at me suspiciously. "How would **you** describe it?"

"Well…uhm…I haven't actually seen it."

Lois stands. "I do not like being tricked into disclosing confidence information."

"I apologize, Ms Schroeder. Honestly, I am worried about Eames, Alexandra. She is… I just want to help."

"Your heart may be in the right place but your tactics are deplorable. If you want any more information, Detective, you will need to talk with Alexandra."


	17. Chapter 17 Heading Back Wed 1:00 pm

**Heading Back – Wednesday, 1:00 pm**

_**POV: Alex Eames**_

The session with the counselor was okay. I mean, it could have been worse. I actually kinda liked her. I mean, if I met her under other circumstances.

There is just so much to think about – STD, AIDS, PST and a whole host of other letters. It is too much to think about on my own. Thank God for the counselor…and for Bobby.

Bobby must have been watching for me because he stands as I enter the waiting room. His eyes flit back and forth between me and his shoes. I know he is trying to figure out how the session went without having to actually ask me.

"How'd it go?" His curiosity always wins.

"Good." I smile at him.

"Good." He smiles his Bobby-smile back at me.

Back in the car, Bobby asks me, "Are we going back to my apartment or did you want to go to your house?"

I have to think for a minute. Being home…alone…at night…scares me. But I can't stay at Bobby's forever and I need clean clothes.

As if he has heard my thoughts, Bobby says, "You know you can stay at my place as long as you want."

"Let's go to my place. At the very least, I need to get some clean clothes."

"Uhm…I need to tell you that I called your neighbor, Mr. Brown."

"Why?"

"I asked him to trim down your hedge."

I bristle. Who the hell does he think he is to make a decision like that without me? It's my damn house and my damn hedge and my damn neighbor.

I look over and Bobby is waiting to see if he will be in trouble. He expects me to be upset, angry. Damn straight! He knows better than to….what…be nice to me?? Watch out for me?? If I'm honest, it's a relief to know I won't have to face that hedge.

"Thanks Bobby."

Bobby smiles his little boy smile and damn if I don't smile back. "Don't thank me until we see how he did."

Bobby slows as he turns into my neighborhood. Because my car is in the driveway, he parks out on the street. I open the door but don't move to get out. Bobby comes around to the passenger side. He stands between the evil world and me. "You don't have to prove anything. I can run in and grab some clothes and we can be at my place in 20 minutes."

Sometimes, he really is the best. I lay my hand on top of his. "I may be on some good pain killers but they haven't addled my brain so much that I would let you choose my wardrobe."

He tries to act hurt by my comment but I can tell he is proud of me, of my decision. He steps aside and swings his arm out in a sweeping gesture.

As I make my way across the lawn, I stop to look at the hedge. Mr. Brown has done a wonderful job of trimming it down from 7' to about 3'. I knew it was getting too high. I'm a cop for Christ's sake. I know how dangerous it is to have blind spots. They give bad people a place to hide. If only I had cut that hedge down weeks ago…. The counselor warned me about the "if-only" game. She said it is unproductive and pointless. Shaking my head, I make my way to the door.

The house smells musty from being closed for a few days. Bobby walks around to make sure everything is safe. Sometimes I am overwhelmed with emotions for him.

"It's nice to be home."

"Want to stay here for a while? We can see how it goes."

"That would be nice. I think I'll take a shower and get out of these clothes."

"I'll make some calls and see what I can find in the kitchen for lunch."


	18. Chapter 18 Being Official Wed 2:00 pm

**Being Official – Wednesday, 2:00 pm**

_**POV: Alex Eames **_

After lunch, I can tell Bobby is itching to talk. He is antsy – wrapping and unwrapping his hands, rubbing his chin.

I sit down on the couch and take a deep breath. "Bobby, do you really want to hear the intimate details of my attack…of my rape? I know that I don't want to tell them to you."

He walks across the room, rubbing the back of his neck.

Coming back and sitting down, he grasps his hands together. He looks at his hands a minute and then looks at me.

"No I don't want to know the details. It breaks my heart that this happened to you. But the reality can't be any worse than what I am imagining."

His heart is so big and he is good to me. I feel tears gathering behind my eyes.

"Eames, I'm sorry. I don't mean to hurt you but we've gotta talk about this. It's already been almost two days."

Taking a deep breath, I admit to myself that he is right that I can't avoid this conversation any longer. "I know that you don't want to hurt me Bobby. I just never thought that I would be on this side of an interview. It doesn't help that you're the one asking the questions."

"Okay. You are uncomfortable talking with me about your attack. We've got a professional relationship and some of the information is…sensitive. I understand. You'd prefer to talk to someone else."

I've hurt his feelings. We are so sensitive to what each other says, reading meaning behind each word and look. We have to stop. I've got to stop this.

I reach out and place my hand on his arm. "There is no one that I trust more than you Bobby."

_**POV: Robert Goren**_

I feel the electricity starting to flow in my veins, so many questions. I tell myself to be cool…be cool.

Eames drops to the couch and gives me a look. She knows me. "Bobby, do you really want to hear the intimate details of my attack…of my rape? I know that I don't want to tell them to you."

How do I answer this? I pace to think through my answer.

Honestly seems the best plan. "No I don't want to know the details. It breaks my heart that this happened to you. But the reality can't be any worse than what I am imagining."

Great! I've made her cry! "Eames, I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you but we've gotta talk about this. It's already been almost two days."

She takes a deep breath. "I know that you don't want to hurt me Bobby. I just never thought that I would be on this side of an interview. It doesn't help that you're the one asking the questions."

That hurts. "Okay. You're uncomfortable talking with me about your attack. We've got a professional relationship and some of the information is…sensitive. I can understand. You'd prefer to talk to someone else."

"There is no one that I trust more than you Bobby." Alex reaches out with her hand and places it on my arm.


	19. Chapter 19 The Interview Wed 2:30 pm

**The Interview – Wednesday, 2:30 pm**

_**POV: Alex Eames **_

"After I dropped you off, I went home."

Bobby reaches over for his notebook. He flips it open and starts taking notes.

"I must have gotten here about 10:00 or 10:30. I parked in my driveway like always. As I came around the car, I heard a baby crying. It sounded like it was coming from the sidewalk, behind the hedge. I walked down and saw a bundle that could have been a baby. I leaned down to touch it. At the last second I saw men's shoes. Then something hit me. I remember going down and then hitting my head. I must have blacked out because there is a gap in time."

"I was confused when I came to. I knew I was on the ground but I couldn't understand why my eyes wouldn't open. I had a pounding headache so I went to touch my head and my hands wouldn't move. I was confused why my arms were immobilized above my head."

"A male voice whispered in my ear, 'Welcome back.' A hand touched my leg. I tried to move my leg away but he gripped it hard and held it down."

"I told him that he was messing with a cop, that he was headed for a lot of trouble he didn't want. He just laughed. He said, 'Is that so Alexandra Eames of NYPD Major Case?'"

"The floor was vibrating so I know we were in a moving vehicle. I think it was a van from the way the sounds echoed and later the way the back end opened up."

"I yelled thinking someone might hear me but he hit me. I tasted blood so I knew he had split my lip. I listen but didn't hear any identifiable sounds. We took lots of turns and I wanted to remember them. Great detective I am, though, I lost track."

"The animal started mauling my breasts. Since my legs were free, I kicked at him. My hip hurt so I couldn't kick him as hard as I wanted but I think I knocked him over. I heard him grunt anyway."

"I pulled on my hands but they wouldn't give. I tried to scoot up but the animal was back beside me. I could feel his breath on my face and I heard a knife flip open. Then the side of my face stung. He whispered in my ear that if I tried that again, he would cut my nose off."

"When he started yanking down my pants, I fought him. He seemed to enjoy the terror I felt, that he saw in me, so I stopped fighting. When my pants were…gone, he got on top of me. I felt his…erection…against my leg. I didn't care anymore if my struggling excited him; I wanted him off of me."

"I bucked. I twisted. I called him every name I could think of but the animal penetrated me. There was nothing I could do but lay there and cry. Cry for God's sake. Humiliated and imprisoned and all I did was cry. No way to save myself from it. It was done. I had failed." Just remember the feeling of utter helplessness, my voice cracked.

"The vehicle stopped. I heard the driver climb into the back. He said, 'Jesus! What did you do?' and the animal just laughed. Then I could feel the knife on my stomach and I froze. Someone sliced open my t-shirt and then my bra. I could feel the cool air on my chest and I knew I was completely exposed. I tried to turn onto my side but the driver pinned my arms down. Don't ask how I knew it was the driver, I just knew."

"Then…a little later…they both got in the front seat and the vehicle started moving again. About 20 minutes later, the van stopped and the animal was beside me. I heard his knife flip open again and he sliced open the plastic zip ties around my hands. They pulled me out of the van and onto the ground. The animal told me…he said…he warned me not to say anything to anyone or he'd be back. When I heard the doors shut and the van pull away, I pulled at the tape on my eyes but my hands were numb from lack of blood. By the time I got the tape off, I was just able to make out a white van about three blocks away as it turned the corner."

"I looked to see if anyone was watching me, could see me. I stepped behind the hedge to pull my pants and jacket on. Then I drove myself to the hospital."

_**POV: Robert Goren **_

"After I dropped you off, I went home." I grab my notebook. I don't want her to have to repeat this so it's important I get my notes now.

My notes:

-Time: 10:00 or 10:30.

-Parked in driveway as is habit

-Baby crying decoy – decoys not used in random grabs

-Saw men's shoes – color, size??

-Loss of conscientiousness

-Tape over eyes and arms restrained – supplies, premeditated

-They knew who she was - "Alexandra Eames of NYPD Major Case"

-She was targeted but by whom?? Why??

-In a moving vehicle - lots of turns

-Van - echoing sounds, back end opened up

-Two assailants – one rapist, one driver

-Penetration by one

-Vehicle stopped somewhere

-Rape was not part of the "PLAN"

-"A little later" vehicle started moving. How much later and what was happening?

-20 minutes from parking location to house

-Plastic zip ties used for hand restraints

-Saw white van about three blocks away

-Released naked

-Drove self to hospital


	20. Chapter 20 The Fight Wed 3:00 pm

**The Fight – Wednesday, 3:00 pm**

_**POV: Alex Eames**_

"Alex, why didn't you call me?"

All my anger and emotions flares up and spill out. "You son of a bitch! You did NOT just ask me that!"

"What? That is a reasonable question. We're partners."

How dare he use the partner card!! "Why didn't you call me when you went undercover, **Partner**?"

"That was totally different. I was trying to protect you and there were rules."

If he only knew. "Maybe I was trying to protect you. Not so fun being the one left out, is it?"

"So you didn't call me because you were pissed off? You wanted to hurt me because you felt hurt?"

"You were NOT trying to protect me. You had to get your job back and it was more important to you than your partner."

"That's not true Alex. Nothing is more important to me than our partnership. If I follow your logic, then our partnership isn't important to you because you didn't call me."

"Don't try to turn this around and make it my fault. I am not a witness in the box for you to psycho-analysis Bobby. Stay out of my head!"

Bobby starts pacing again. "Psycho-analysis? You're the one playing games, trying to divert the conversation from my question – why didn't you call me."

"Bull shit. You can't ask me that question when you can't answer the very same question."

"I have answered it. You are just choosing not to understand my answer."

"I don't understand…**I** don't. I understand clearly. You are the one that doesn't want to understand. You just don't want to see that you were wrong. The genius might have to apologize for being wrong."

He looks ready to say something when he looks at me. He just shakes his head.

I know I'm being childish, that I keep poking at a sore but I can't seem to stop. I am choking on emotion.

"Bobby, I need a break." That's the anger speaking because the thought of him actually leaving terrifies me.

"Okay. Oh…you mean you want me to leave. If that's what you need." He seems to deflate right before my eyes. I've hurt him, isn't that what I wanted? Why don't I feeling satisfaction?

"I should call my sister, let her know what happen. I'm sure she'll want to drive down." Pride keeps me from begging him to stay.

"I'm sure she will. I have some stuff I should do too. Maybe I'll head to 1PP and see what Logan and Wheeler have."

"Okay."

Bobby heads for the door. He stops with his hand on the doorknob. "You'll call if you need me?"

"Sure."

I watch him leave from the window. The tears start flowing before he's even leaves the curb. Pride can be a curse.

_**POV: Robert Goren**_

My first thought came out before I could catch it. "Alex, why didn't you call me?"

"You son of a bitch! You did NOT just ask me that!"

I'm did not expect this response nor the force with which it is thrown at me. I feel myself get defensive. "What? That is a reasonable question. We're partners."

"Why didn't you call me when you went undercover **partner**?"

Not this again. "That was totally different. I was trying to protect you and there were rules."

"Maybe I was trying to protect you. Not so fun being the one left out, is it?"

"So you didn't call me because you were pissed off? You wanted to hurt me because you felt hurt?"

"You were NOT trying to protect me. You had to get your job back and it was more important to you than your partner."

How can she think that? Nothing is more important to me than her.

Back and forth we go. I start pacing again. I can see that she is trying to avoid the question but why? And how do I get us back there? I see the angry set of her jaw and the determination in her eyes. It doesn't really matter what I say, this conversation isn't going anywhere she doesn't want it to go.

"Bobby, I need a break."

"Okay. Oh…you mean you want me to leave. If that's what you need."

"I should call my sister, let her know what happen. I'm sure she'll want to drive down."

Pride keeps me from begging her to let me stay. "I'm sure she will. I have some stuff I should do too. Maybe I'll head to 1PP and see what Logan and Wheeler have."

I stop at the door. Angry or not, I need to know one thing before I leave. "You'll call if you need me?"

"Sure."

I walk out the door knowing that pride can be a curse. I circle the block and I park where I can watch her house but I'm not visible from her front window. I will sit here until her sister arrives. I failed to protect her once, I won't do it again.


	21. Chapter 21 DNA Hits Thurs 9:30 am

**DNA Hits – Thursday, 9:30 am**

_**POV: Robert Goren**_

Logan calls with his update. "I've got the DNA information on the cigarette butt and from…Alex's kit."

"Any matches?"

"Yep and you aren't going to like it.'

"Just tell me."

"The cigarette butt was a match to a Juan Gracia. He's just a kid really- been in and out of trouble for mostly petty stuff." He must have been the driver.

"The kit came back as a match to Richard Rodriguez – multiple arrest and convictions for assault and rape. Goren…both are known associate of Testarossa."

God dammit!

"I've got addresses from their parole officers. Wheeler is heading over to Gracia's place and I am heading over to pick up Rodriguez. Want to meet me at there? I'm pretty sure that Rodriguez is going to resist arrest and we'll have to use force to bring him in."

"No. I have someone else that I need to talk to."

"Do you want company?"

"No, but thanks for the offer though."

"Hey Buddy. Don't do anything stupid, you know, like I would do."

"Thanks Logan. Let me know when you have them at 1PP."

"Will do.


	22. Chapter 22 Prison Visit Thurs 11:00 am

**Prison Visit – Thursday, 11:00 am**

_**POV: Robert Goren**_

When I sign in, I am informed that all the interview rooms are occupied and that if I want to speak with Testarossa, I'll have to use a visitor's room. Obviously, the Captain has seen the DNA information and called ahead.

I sit on the visitor's side of the Plexiglas waiting for him. My hands are tight fists. Come on Goren, he thinks he has gotten to me. He has but I won't show him. I can't, this is too important.

Testarossa walks in, sits down and grins at me. He lifts the phone on his side. I lift the receiver on mine.

"Detective Goren. What a pleasant surprise. What brings you for a visit?"

God I'd love to grind that grin into the back of his head. "Testarossa, you have a pretty good idea why I'm here."

"Detective, how could I know anything stuck in prison, cut off from my friends and colleagues?" I really want to hurt him. Badly.

"Did your lovely partner come with you or is she **tied** up?" He has the nerve to actually chuckle at his remark.

It's hard to look at him. My vision is blurred with pure hatred. "If you have a message for me, send it to me – not my partner."

"Has something happen to her?" He feigns a surprised look but he eyes almost twinkle…he knows what he is doing to me.

My smile is tight and hard. Air can't get passed my lips and my lungs are screaming for oxygen. "She had nothing to do with your conviction and incarceration. Leave her out of this."

"Hypothetically speaking, if I wanted revenge, I would hit you were it would really **burn.** That's how I could get the most satisfaction."

Damn him!! "Hope you like it in here because conspiracy to harm a police officer can add some serious time to your sentence. There are detectives picking up your associates as we speak."

He just smirks at me. "Talk to whomever you want Detective. I have nothing to hide. Well, it has been a pleasure. Please give my regards to your partner. Even though I only met her the one time, I feel like I will always be close to her heart." He hangs up the phone laughing.

I have to sit here for a while. He got to me. He played me. He was too sure of himself. My gut says something isn't right.

When I reclaim my badge, gun and cell phone I see that Logan has left four messages.

"Logan."

"Hey, it's Goren."

"Uh…we've run into a problem buddy. Both perps were DOA when we got to them. Looks like Testarossa didn't want any loose ends. How did your visit with him go?"

I should have known that Logan would figure out where I needed to go. "Not as well as I had hoped."

"We'll figure out something. He won't get away with hurting Alex."

"Thanks. I'm on my way over to Eames' now. Would you do me a favor? Would you email me a picture of Testarossa's gang tattoo?"

"Sure. I'll do it now. Care to share?"

"Not yet. "


	23. Chapter 23 Facts Thurs 5:00 pm

**The Facts – Thursday, 5:00 pm**

_**POV: Robert Goren**_

"Hi. How are you doing?"

"Better. My sister was here last night and she took me to my counseling session this morning."

"Good. Uhm…can I come in for a moment?"

"I'm sorry. Of course you can come in. I was just making myself a sandwich. I'll make you one too."

"Your sister left?"

"Yeah, you just missed her. She had to head home for Sam's class recital. She wanted me to come home with her but…well… I was hoping to see…you.

"Really?

"Bobby, I'm sorry about yesterday. Telling you about what happen was … intense. I lost my temper."

"It's okay. You were right…on several points…including that we needed a break."

"Yeah."

I follow her into the kitchen and lean against the doorframe as she makes sandwiches. She does seem more relaxed. I take in the moment before I have to ruin it.

"Eames, we got two hits on the DNA."

She doesn't turn around but I see her spine stiffen.

"One hit matches a cigarette butt found near your hedge and the other matches…your rape kit. Logan and Wheeler went to pick them up but they were both dead."

"Good! I don't mean that the way it sounds. I just wasn't looking forward to a trial, having to restating everything repeatedly. I'm glad it is over."

I zero in on her, watching for a reaction to what I'm about to say. "Testarossa didn't want them talking to us."

I watch Eames put her hand over her burn. She drops her hand when she feels me watching her but she doesn't turn around.

"Your burn matches the 'T' tattoo that Testarossa's crew wears, doesn't it?" She nods.

"Eames, will you please put down the damn knife and talk to me?"

With a sigh, she turns around and stares at my left shoulder.

"You should have told me Eames."

Dropping her gaze to the floor she says, "Maybe…probably…but I just didn't see any good coming from it."

"I want to see it."

Her head snaps up. "No! Absolutely not. That won't help us with our issues."

"I need to see it."

She frowns at me and gives me her little head shake. "You just want to see it so you can feel even guiltier about my attack. Bobby, you had no way of knowing this was going to happen."

"I should have known."

"If you'd had any idea I was in danger you'd have had me in a holding cell until the danger passed or I died of old age. You are not responsible and I do not blame you for any of this. I hold that asshole Testarossa responsible. He's lucky he's locked up!"

I have to smile at this woman. "What is your issue?"

"What?"

"You said 'our issues.' Apparently my issue is feeling guilty. What is your issue?"

Eames turns back around to fuss with the sandwiches. "Oh..well…that. I guess I have issue with being…damaged goods."

"Is that really how you feel? Like damaged goods?"

"Do you really feel guilty about not preventing an attack that you knew nothing about?"

Eames looks over her shoulder at me and our eyes meet. She knows and I know that these are our issues.

Eames sighs. "I'm not hungry any more. You?"

"Not really."

I watch her throw everything in the garbage can - bowl, knife, everything. She walks to the kitchen table, pulls out a chair and falls into it. I walk over and take the chair next to her.

"Will you tell me the rest of what happen that night? Tell me the parts that you left out?"

"After I was completely…exposed…the animal said that I was going to deliver a message to you from Testarossa. I told him that unlike him, I wasn't Testarossa's errand boy. He laughed and said I would take his message whether I wanted to or not. The driver was up next to my head, pinning down my arms. I registered heat and then there was an intense pain on my left breast. I really thought that my head was going to explode. I screamed and the animal laughed."

"I am so sorry Alex."

_**POV: Alex Eames**_

I'm glad that Bobby came back. I planned to ask him to come by. I wanted to apologize for yesterday.

Going back through the experience with him had been intense. All my memories were raw and opening them to Bobby got me wired and uptight. I was looking for a fight and, of course, Bobby was there.

"Eames, we got two hits on the DNA."

Not this…not yet.

"Your burn matches the 'T' tattoo that Testarossa's gang wears, doesn't it?"

No going back now. "You should have told me Eames."

I can't meet his eyes. I know he is right. I should have trusted him with the truth. "Maybe…probably…but I just didn't see any good coming from it."

"I want to see it."

"No! Absolutely not." I could NEVER show him that.

I don't have the strength to deal with one of his guilt trips. "You just want to see it so you can feel even guiltier about my attack. Bobby, you had no way of knowing this was going to happen."

"I should have known." I knew that was coming.

"What is your issue?"

"What?"

"You said 'our issues.' Apparently, my issue is feeling guilty. What is your issue?"

I turn back around to fuss with the sandwiches. Do I tell him? It would be nice to just say it. "I guess I have issue with being…damaged goods."

"Is that really how you feel? Like damaged goods?"

"Do you really feel guilty about not preventing an attack that you knew nothing about?"

Our eyes meet and we both know that we do feel this way.

Everything about the sandwiches now seems overwhelming and tainted. I want to get rid of it and this heaviness that hangs on me.

"I'm not hungry any more. You?"

"Not really."

I am tired to the very bone. I don't believe I can stand for another second so plop down in a kitchen chair. Bobby sits down next to me.

"Will you tell me the rest of what happen that night? Tell me the parts that you left out?"

It will feel good to get everything out in the open. No more lies between us especially those lies of omission. "After I was completely…exposed…the animal said that I was going to deliver a message to you from Testarossa. I told him that unlike him, I wasn't Testarossa's errand boy. He laughed and said I would take his message whether I wanted to or not. The driver was up next to my head, pinning down my arms. I registered heat and then there was an intense pain on my left breast. I really thought that my head was going to explode. I screamed and the animal laughed."

"I am so sorry Alex." I know he is. I don't doubt that he would take all of this from me if he could.


	24. Chapter 24 Partners Thurs 6:00 pm

**Partners – Thursday, 6:00 pm**

_**POV: Robert Goren**_

Reaching over, she puts her hand on top of mine. "Bobby, do you remember a few years ago when my request for a new partner came up in court?"

"Yes. I understand you putting in a new request." I'm going to lose her because I couldn't keep her safe.

"Do you want a new partner?"

Where did that come from? "No! Why would I want a new one?"

"Because now you know that your partner can't defend herself. You must wonder if she will have your back."

"I trust you to have my back more than I trust anyone else in the department."

She smiles and squeezes my hand. "That's how I feel too."

"Why? Our partnership has caused you so much pain and frustration. It's even tainted your professional reputation."

"I've been 'married' to you longer than I was to Joe. Our partnership has made me a better cop and your friendship is one of the best things in my life."

I nod in agreement. That is exactly how I feel about her. "You make me a better person Alex."

"Bobby, no one is making me stay partners with you. I could have put in for a new partner at any time in the last 7 years but I didn't. And I won't. Every day I choose you as my partner, as my friend. Every day, I am grateful that you choose me too."

I look down at her hand sitting on mine but I can barely see it through my tears. She gives me the gift of herself…as my partner…as my friend. Walls I didn't even know I had are falling down. I'm safe for the first time in a long time, maybe ever. The sadness that has permanently sat on my happiness is rising.

What can I give her in return? What do I have that she needs? "Eames, I'd like to see the burn." She turns to look at me. She starts to remove her hand but I don't let it go.

"Why?"

"So you can know that it…you…are not damaged. Please."

Very quietly she answers. "I don't think I can."

"Trust me Alex. I promise that you are safe with me. Please?"

Eames looks me in the eye for a few seconds. "I know that I am safe."

Removing her hand from mine, Eames reaches up to unbutton the top three buttons on her shirt. Reaching inside, she works the tape up and lifts the bandage. She turns in her chair so she is facing me and pulls back the bandage.

I look at the burn. Not surprisingly, it matches the Testarossa tattoo design that Logan emailed me. The burn is red and irritated. I know that it must cause her pain.

I look up at her but her eyes are closed. She is sitting rigid and tight. The hand holding the bandage trembles slightly. I reach up to take the shirt and bandage from her. "May I?"

She opens her eyes and looks at me. I nod towards her burn. She lets go. Trying to be gentle, I move her shirt and the bandage back, away from her skin.

I have a memory of burning my hand on the stove when I was little. Mom blew on it to make it feel better. I lean down and blow softy on Alex's burn.

She jumps back surprised and covers herself. I'm as surprised as she is at what I just did.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. It just looked so hot and painful. Does it give you pain?"

"It's not too bad. It's…ugly…isn't it?"

"I would be hard pressed to find anything ugly about you Alex."

Eames gives a snort of unbelief and starts pacing. "It's funny really. I've spent my career trying to fit into the boy's club and yet I still want to desirable…as a woman. Doesn't really make any sense."

"I don't understand all the workings of the female mind but I think I understand you…some of the time…okay occasionally."

My comment makes her smile and her smile makes me smile.

"Being successful at your career is very important to you and fitting into the boy's club is part of that. You put personal relationships on hold, intending to come back to it later." She is crying and not trying to hide it.

"Now it's too late. I waited too long. Bobby, how could I know this would happen?"

She looks at me like I am supposed to have an answer for her. What can I say to make her understand? How can I show her that she is the most beautiful woman in the world?

I stand up and walk over to her. I stop right in front of her, cup her face in my hands and lean down. Being careful of her split lip, I softly brush my lips against hers. I lean up and look in her eyes.

_**POV: Alex Eames**_

He really cares and my pain hurts him. I reach over to put my hand on top of his. He needs to understand that I care just as much about him and his pain and he does about me and mine.

"Bobby, do you remember a few years ago when my request for a new partner that came up in court?"

"Yeah. I understand you putting in a new request."

He doesn't get it. "Do you want a new partner?"

"Why would I want a new one?" He frowns at me.

"Because now you know that your partner can't defend herself. You must wonder if she will have your back."

"Alex! I trust you to have my back more than I trust anyone else in the department."

"That's how I feel too."

"Why? Our partnership has caused you so much pain and frustration. It's even tainted your professional reputation."

I take a breath. I have to help him see. "I've been 'married' to you longer than I was to Joe. Our partnership has made me a better cop and your friendship is one of the best things in my life."

"You make me a better person."

"Bobby, no one is making me stay partners with you. I could have put in for a new partner at any time in the last 7 years but I didn't. And I won't. Every day I choose you as my partner, as my friend. Every day, I am grateful that you choose me."

Bobby is quiet for a minute. I feel a change in the air around him, a shift in the planets. Walls that felt permanent are shaking and crumbling. He finally accepts…believes…that he is stuck with me

We sit quietly for a while, our hands joined. "Eames, I'd like to see the burn."

What the hell! I automatically go to lift my hand to it but Bobby won't let go. "Why?"

"So you can know that it…you…are not damaged. Please."

Very quietly she answers. "I don't think I can."

"Trust me Alex. I promise that you are safe with me. Please?"

I look him in the eye for a few seconds, trying to see his thoughts. I see something…tenderness maybe. I sense that he wants to give something to me.

This is Bobby. If I can't trust him, who can I trust? "I know that I am safe with you."

I reach up and unbutton the top of my shirt. Reaching inside, I pull up the tape and lift the bandage.

His look feels as real as if he were touching me with his hand. I feel more exposed that I did lying naked in the back of that van. I close my eyes, afraid what I'll see on his face.

"May I?"

I open my eyes and look at him. Bobby nods towards the bandage so I let go. Gentle he moves my shirt and bandage away. Probably can't believe his eyes, wants to get a better look at it. I close my eyes again.

Suddenly I feel a soothing breeze across it and I am surprised. I jump when I realize it was his breath…on me.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. It just looked so hot and painful. Does it give you pain?"

He wasn't thinking!? What am I thinking? "It's not too bad."

Get a grip Alex. Think about what he just saw. "It's…ugly…isn't it?"

"I would be hard pressed to find anything ugly about you."

Yeah right. He is just being Bobby, kind and generous. "It's funny really. I've spent my career trying to fit into the boy's club and yet I still want to desirable…as a woman. Doesn't really make any sense."

"I think I understand you…some of the time…okay occasionally."

He thinks he knows how I think…right. Does he know that right this minute I am surprised to find that I feel…well…turned on…by that gentle caress of his breath on my skin. I thought my recent experience had dried up those feelings…permanently. Bobby has no idea the hope he has given me. Maybe I can be normal again.

I am overwhelmed again with emotion for him. I love him. Really, really love this large, kind hearted, wonderful man. I have loved him for years.

Why didn't I recognize my feelings before? It's too late now. I can't go to him damaged. He deserves and needs someone whole. Dammit! "It's too late. I waited too long Bobby. How was I supposed to know this would happen?"

Bobby stands up and walks over to stand right in front of me. He places his hands on both sides of my face and leans down. Gently he brushes his lips against mine.


	25. Chapter 25 The Kiss Thurs 7:00 pm

**The Kiss – Thursday, 7:00 pm**

_**POV: Robert Goren**_

I lean up and open my eyes. The look on Alex's face is priceless.

"What the hell? I…you just...what was that?"

"One of us is out of practice if you're not sure what just happen."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why did you kiss me?"

"I think we've identified the one out of practice. Why wouldn't I kiss the most beautiful woman I have ever met."

Alex gives me one of her glares.

I feel like even my smile is smiling.

"Why are you smiling?"

"Because I'm happy. I'm really, really happy and I haven't felt like this in a long time. And it is all because I kissed you Alexandra Eames."

Then she smiles. "I'm really happy too. And it is all because you kissed me Robert Goren."


	26. Chapter 26 True Revenge 2 Months Later

**True Revenge – Two Months Later**

_**POV: Testarossa**_

They tell me I received a letter in today's mail. I don't recognize the handwriting.

_Testarossa,_

_Eames and I wanted to send you a short note. _

_First, it was nice to see you at your hearing. Sorry about the additional charges related to Eames' assault but you looked good. Eames commented that she likes your new haircut. Have you lost weight? _

_Second, we hope that you are finding your new accommodations at the Super Max prison adequate. Some people find the winters in Colorado difficult. Since you are only out of your cell for an hour a day, maybe it won't be a problem._

_Third, and most important, we want to tell you how grateful we are to you. If you had not organized Eames' assault, we would not have been forced to admit our feelings to each other. Life is great now that I wake up each morning with her next to me._

_We also wanted to let you know how very fond we have both grow of the design on her breast. To celebrate the one month anniversary of our relationship, Eames visited a tattoo artist. He changed the T into a B and added some hearts at no extra charge! He thinks it is his best work and we have to agree. I love that it is the first thing I see in the morning and I make a point of kissing it each night before I go to sleep. We thought about sending a picture but didn't figure it would make it past the prison sensors._

_Anyway, just wanted to say thank you._

_Robert Goren and Alex Eames _

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"Living well is the best revenge." George Murphy

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Hope you liked the story. I sure enjoyed writing it. Thank you all for your supportive reviews. I was really nervous posting my first FF. With your encouragement, I've already figured out the storyline for my next story!


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